What are you afraid of?

Something I have been actively working on is eliminating fear in my life.  I'm not talking about my irrational, debilitating fear of snakes, but instead the fears that have come with age.

For me, one of my biggest fear that has developed over the years is a fear of not being good enough.  It shows itself in a number of ways in all areas of my life.

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Health: I self sabotage weight loss because what if I get thin and healthy and things still don't happen like I want them to?

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Career: I'm afraid to apply for the big job because I don't want to be let down if I don't get it.  I'm afraid that I won't make enough money for the lifestyle I want to live.

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Love: I'm afraid I am unlovable or easily forgettable.  Kirsten Dunst's character says it best in Elisabethtown.  I'm afraid that I will put everything on the line and once again be abandoned to pick up the pieces alone.  When people ask me why I'm not dating I shoot off something about focusing on me and my career.

But really, what's the point?  By believing these things about myself, I am only making them true.  

Seriously, why I am afraid to be physically fit?  What's the worst that could happen?  My self esteem lifted. My comfort in a bathing suit restored. What am I even afraid of?  

And so what if I don't get a big job, but more importantly, what if I do? Financial security will never be a problem as long as I believe in my work.  

The love part is the hardest thing to overcome.  It's not that I am afraid to love someone- I have never had a problem with that.  The fear is really in letting them love me, because what if they don't.  What if they just stop loving me one day. What if their definition of love is different that mine?  Being afraid of heartbreak causes a whole mess of problems and it's not worth it.  Love is truly a magical feeling, so by avoiding it, I am only hurting myself even more.  

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I think it is healthy to identify the fears that are built on experience and work on erasing them.  Fears like mine are only holding me back from greatness and I would much rather be great than afraid.

What are you afraid of?

How to...

I'm really reaching with this one since it is past 10 PM and I still haven't come up with something to educate people about.  So I am going to tell you how to make every morning a little happier.

Place fresh flowers next to your bed.  Not only will you wake up to a beautiful fragrance, but the blooms will brighten your morning!  

Check out Trader Joe's for inexpensive seasonal flowers, or create your own bouquet by picking up your choice of fresh cuts.  I did both! Second only to the ocean, my favorite thing about California is the array of fresh flowers.    

Every Day in May

So, I'm joining the challenge.  Mostly because I have really been struggling to keep up with my blog, work and life.  I'm not willing to slack on my life or work, so my sweet little blog has been taking the hit.  The thing is though, I love writing, so it's time I got back to what I love, after all isn't living about filling your days with the people and things you love?  Alright then.


The Story of my Life in 250 Words

To describe myself in one word, I would say that the 27+ years that have lead up to this moment have been filled with overwhelming independence.  For starters, I was born nearly a month late, arriving on my own time.  I grew up an only child dressed in OshKosh, filling my time with imaginary adventures and elaborate games of house that took place in my backyard, climbing over furniture and balancing on the fireplace ledge.  I spent my childhood listening; fascinated by the people and relationships around me.  Soon dance entered and took over my life; a way for a shy girl to express herself outside of the spoken word.  In high school, I left my family for weeks to pursue my independence by way of acting and modeling.  This was the first time I really knew I could take care of myself without the comforts of home.  Next, it was off to college to get a degree in PR and advertising where my passion for understanding the way people interact was expanded.  Then, I was off to chasing adventure and independence once again in London.  The next few years were filled with wonderful peaks and a chasm of lows.  I found my strength and myself when I decided to embark on a new adventure, one that married my passion for communications with my aptitude for autonomy.  These days, I spend my time obsessed with my job, my friends, the simply beauty in life and the pursuit of impeccable taste.

250 words... awww snap!