Adventures in Online Dating

Hello, my name is Ashley and I am an online dater.  Yes, it's true.  Why online you ask?  Well, I don't go out much and when I go out, it's usually to spend time with my friends.  I work two full time jobs- hence I don't go out much.  But even with my sometimes hectic schedule, I feel like I am ready to be in a relationship again.  I'm pretty much always attached to a computer or my phone, so online just seemed like the way to go.  Besides, you can only peruse the beer isle at the grocery store so many times on Friday after work.

This isn't my first online dating rodeo.  About 4 years ago, in an effort to learn how to date after 7 years with the same guy,  I decided to create a profile on plenty of fish.  I had the opportunity to go on some of the worst dates of my life, but it was definitely amusing.  I went out with a guy that magically transformed from a witty doctorate student into a whiny and spiteful child after I beat him in a friendly game of miniature golf.  I had sushi with a kind eyed man that told me all about the time his last girlfriend got charged with attempted murder after she tried to shoot him.  I met a Canadian that told me he was looking to marry a nice girl because he was illegally in the country selling flameless candles.  A very sweet guy took me to a fancy restaurant and had the chef prepare a custom 7-course meal for us- it was our first date and we ran out of things to talk about after course three. I met a few other guys, that were nice, but there was no chemistry and then finally, I met a guy that became my boyfriend, which lasted about 18 months.

A couple months ago, I decided to give online dating another shot.  This time, I decided to step up my game and actually pay for a membership to Match.com as well as post a profile on plenty of fish and to round out the trio, I'm on Tinder (mostly just to pass the time when I can't sleep.  There is something so entertaining about swiping left or right.).  Everyone says tinder and plenty of fish is where you go to find someone to sleep with and match is where you go to find a relationship. Well, so far, I can't say I am overly impressed with any of the sites.

During this, my second attempt at online dating, I have only actually gone out with one guy whom I met on POF.  This one guy spent 45 minutes telling me ghost stories after asking "So how do you feel about ghost stories", to which I answered, "uh, I'm pretty indifferent".  I guess I should have said I wasn't into them?

So why only one guy in the last few months?  Well,I guess it's because I find myself saying no a lot.  No, I don't want to send you "naughty pictures".  No, I don't want you to send me a picture of your penis or anything else that's phallic. No, I am not going to come hang out and drink a bottle or two of wine at your place- that's not a first date, that's an episode of Law and Order: SVU.  No, I don't want to hook up, especially after you just spent the last two hours slut shaming a mutual "friend".  No, I don't want to tell you my bra size or send you a picture of my cleavage. No, I'm not interested in supporting you and giving up my desire to have children because you don't want them.  These are all things I have actually had to say to men.

To be honest, they whole thing is leaving me pretty disappointed.  Disappointed in my apparent dating options.  Disappointed in the women that have encouraged this mentality. And disappointed, that apparently all I am in this online "dating" world is a set of boobs with a vagina attached.

What happened to asking a girl what she likes to do for fun (outside of the bedroom), or even what she does for a living.  What happened to being interested in people, not just sex.  I know there are a lot of people that have success with online dating (and hey for 18 months, I was one of them), but I am dying to know their secret.  What am I doing wrong?  Why are my modest but cute pictures and (what I think is a) witty profile only attracting this type of man?  Or have all the good men given up on online dating and if so, where did they go?  Someone please point me in that direction.

Well, since I already paid for 6 months on Match, I am going to continue to sift through an endless stream of shirtless bathroom pics and photos of guys posing with a tiger (seriously, where have all these tigers come from?) and stick it out for a while longer.  If nothing else it will give me more material to write about and maybe if I'm really lucky, it will bring me someone that is actually looking for a meaningful relationship.  Fingers crossed!

Have you tried online dating?  What has your experience been?  Please share it with me!

30 Before Thirty: Revisited

Exactly 2 years ago today (thanks Timehop app), I made a list of 30 things I wanted to do before 30.  At the time I had 1200 days to mark all these things off my list.  As of today, I have 464 days.

After reading through this list (that I have barely looked at since creating ), I have realized a couple things.  First, 27 year old Ashley was a bit delusional about money still.  It would have cost me thousands of dollars to complete all the things on this list.  Oh 27 year old Ashley, you are cute!  Second, some of the things on this list, I really have no desire to do or just aren't a priority.  Third, the really important things are ready to be crossed off.

With Just 464 days to go, I am reevaluating some items and replacing some things.  Her'es a look.

1. Go skydiving-Nope not even remotely interested in this one now.  It's not that I don't want to do it, it's just not something I feel like I have to do before 30.  I'll do it someday and that's enough for me.
   Replacement: Buy a nice couch- Is that weird?  I just want to invest in a nice couch that I really love (along with furnishing my next place with lots of pretty things) 
2. Vacation in Italy - Nope!  Actually Italy isn't even at the top of my list anymore.  Again, I know I will make it there someday, just not before 30.
   Replacement: Visit somewhere I have never been.
3. Learn to golf- I haven't done this yet, but I would still like to, so Golfing, you get to stay.  
4. Buy a home- I'm keeping this on the list, but I don't think I will actually be able to buy a home until I am thirty.  Who knows, maybe life will surprise me!
5. Begin graduate school- I don't know if I want my Masters degree anymore, and I don't know where I would have time to fit it in.
   Replacement: Continue my education through classes and workshops.
6. Get paid to blog. Check! So what if it was only a few times?
7. Get a DSLR camera- Still hoping I get one.  I do us my grandparents, but I would like a fancy one of my own.  
8. Road trip across the U.S.-staying on the list. 
9. Pay off all credit card debt- If everything stays on track, this will happen in approximately 6 months!  Hooray!
10. Reach 500 followers on my blog-Check, and a name change too!
    
    
    
11. Host a Favorite Things party- No, just no.  While I'd like to give away nice things to people, I can't afford that.
    Replacement: Donate my time and extra things to people less fortunate.   
12. Have season tickets to a professional sports team- While it would be cool to be a "regular at a sporting venue, I'll settle for something a little easier.
    Replacement: See my first live NFL game- it's true, I've never been!
13. Go on a cruise- planning to go in January!
14. Go scuba diving- There is certification that has to happen. That sounds time consuming. 
    Replacement: Go snorkeling
15. Take a winery tour of Napa Valley- I am amending this on to just take a winery tour.
16. Move to a new state- (and then move back)
    
    
    
17. Lose 50 lbs.- 20 down... about 65 more to go.
18. Run a 1/2 marathon-I just don't think i like running enough to ever run 13.1 miles.  
    Replacement: Complete a sprint triathlon- I could totally run a 5K swim a half mile and (learn how to) ride a bike 12 miles
19. Learn to paddle board- Why I didn't try this while I was living in CA I will never know.  I did go on a few kayaking adventures though!
20. Learn how to ride a bike- which will be of paramount importance for the triathlon- see above.  
21. Get a dog- I need a companion.
22. Do an Urban race- They look so fun!
23. Go on a hot air balloon ride- Um, I think I envisioned this as something romantic I would do, but since I am currently single, I would rather...
    Replacement: Go see Britney in Vegas in August with my besties!
24. Start my own business- Boom!
    
    
    
    
    
25. Go white water rafting- Again, I want to do this, but I won't be upset if it doesn't happen before 30.
    Replacement: Spend a day at my favorite spot in Payson.  I haven't gone in 4 years.  It;s time I make a return!
26. Learn another language- I had originally intended for this to be Spanish or French, but 've been learning web codeing and I think that counts.  
27. Live near the beach- Been there, done that!
    
      
28. Make something old new again- Probably some furniture for the new place.  
29. Write a book- I have started probably 20 different books over the last 15 years, but none have ever gotten finished. I really want to finish one and submit it for publishing.
30. Hike the Grand Canyon- This just doesn't sound that appealing anymore.
    Replacement: Go camping.  I've never really been camping.  I like the idea of it, but I have never done it.  

Well, it took me two years to cross of 6 things, only 24 to go in the next 15 months!  Eeekk!  I gotta go, I have things to cross off my list!

Focus On What's Holding You Together

It's usually after a particularly bad day, or in this case a series of bad days, that I take a step back and do some evaluating.  You see, the last few days have just not gone my way and I've turned into my alter-ego Bitchy McWhinesalot.  I hear myself complaining and, as much as I hate it, I can't stop- the word vomit just keeps coming.  It's usually about this time when I can tell I am annoying everyone around me, and especially myself, that I get in my car- in this case, my rental car (yep, my car is in the shop)- and go for a drive.

Usually this drive includes a little crying, a lot of singing, and one fast food meal that ends with a side of self loathing. Upon completion of this abstract journey to inner peace, I give myself a metaphorical slap in the face and decide it's time for a change.

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When I was in California, I figured out something really important- how to hold myself together.  I learned that by focusing on the things that make me feel strong and accomplished, I can overcome any bad day.  I learned that making my health a priority was an easy fix for a lot of my problems.  However, since moving back to Arizona, I stopped giving myself time.  I pretty much stopped making working out a priority.  I stopped seeing Sunday morning movies.  I stopped meditating at night.  I stopped going to yoga regularly. I stopped exploring my relationship with God.  I just, let everything else take over my life and then stood there wondering why I was feeling so disconnected and frustrated.

But today, over McDonald's fries that I shame ate in my car, I decided it was time for Bitchy McWhinesalot to get packing. Just like that, I threw away the remaining fries and I went to the gym.  I ran through a side cramp that was undoubtedly caused by the greasy little monsters that I had consumed.  I put on calming music and I meditated for 10 minutes and then I sat down here to write.

Well that's not exactly true,  before I started typing, I was distracted, like I often am, by Facebook.  But wouldn't you know it, one of my friends was sharing just the words I needed to read!

Susan has always been an inspiring friend and athlete (I mean look at those abs!), but today her words were everything I needed and I couldn't help but share. Hope you don't mind Sus!

"At the end of the day, you can focus on what's tearing you apart or you can focus on what's holding you together.  

Something I've really had to train myself on is this. I've always been the peace maker, the one that wants everyone and everything to be happy ALL the time! But let's face it- that's impossible... and every time I try to change the whole wide world in one day, I have to remind myself of this: Just focus on your core, on what's holding you together- your dreams, your passions, your morals, your values, your faith, your family, the people that support you 100% and want to see you succeed as bad as you do... Focus on that ❤️ Because if it's not holding you together, then it will tear you apart- one way or another."

Susie has more pearls of wisdom to share on her Instagram and you can follow her at @suswaters

When things are hard, it's not always easy to focus on the good.  Lord knows I have certainly had my ups and downs.  But the ball is always in my court.  I can choose how I attack a day and this life. I can choose whether I place my focus on the things that hold me together or the things that tear me apart.  

Today, I choose the good.  Today I choose to focus on my dreams instead of my fears, my passions instead of my heartbreaks, my faith instead of my uncertainty and the people in my life instead of the people that have chosen to leave it. 

Goodbye Bitchy McWhinesalot, you aren't welcome here anymore!

Hard Makes Us Human

I try to keep this little blog of mine happy whenever I can, but sometimes this place gets a little gritty.  Sometimes, like today, I struggle with which parts of my life I should share.  A big reason that I have been avoiding this place is because there is a big part of my life that I wouldn't call happy.

I've mentioned it before, my grandmother has Alzheimer's.  And it's hard.

It's hard for my grandmother.
Its hard for her to not be able to express herself the way she once did.
It's hard for her to control her emotions.
It's hard for her to cope with the frustration that comes with the challenges of the every day.

It's hard for my grandfather.  
It's hard for him to understand her.
It's hard for him to keep his patience when she is having a terrible day.
It's hard for him to manage both of their lives.

It's hard for my family.
It's hard to be around her on bad days.
It's hard to recognize her even on the good days.
It's hard to see who she's become.

It's hard for me.
It's hard to have things to say, but know she won't understand.
It's hard to take the unintentional outbursts.
It's hard for me to find the patience that love requires.

Some nights it's hard to sleep.  Some days it's hard to concentrate.  Sometimes I worry I am going to snap.  Sometimes, its easy to pretend everything is fine and forget that life used to be different.  Sometimes, I cry.

I try to remind myself that we all face hardships.  There are so many people that have to cope with disease.  And this isn't even my disease. I know someday this "hardship" will turn into a loss and that helps me to appreciate the good time I have with her and forgive the bad.  Some bad is easier to let go of than the rest.

Its so easy to get bogged down by the negative, the unanswered questions, the fears and the mistakes.  I think the silver lining to all this is that I have a greater appreciation for all the wonderful things that are going on in my life right now.

I feel so lucky to have incredibly supportive friends- most of which, if you had asked me 5 years ago who my support team would be, they wouldn't have been on the list.  Life has a wonderful way of surprising you like that- bringing you the people you need at the times you need them most.  Relationships with family members that once felt strained have developed into a strong bond. Also, I feel confident that I am where I am suppose to be.

I think it's okay for things to be hard.  I think hard makes us stronger.  I think hard makes us more vulnerable.  I think hard makes us human.

Life Lately: New Business Launch and Local Love

So I've been neglecting this blog lately for a couple of reasons, and I thought I would share those reasons with you all today!

1. We launched our business!!

Yes, Your Jubilee has finally launched! My business partner, Meagan, and I have been diving head first into all the responsibility that come with running a business.  Check out our brand new website, our services and our celebrations blog at www.yourjubilee.com! You can also find us on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest and Twitter!  

To get the website up we wanted some great photography, so Chrissy from Let Me See You Sparkle, quite possibly one of my favorite people in the whole world, did an amazing job!  Here are a few of my favorite shots! We'll be posting more of our tablescapes on the Your Jubilee website soon!

Want to see behind the scenes of this photo shoot?  Check out Chrissy's post here. We also used some fabulous banners from The Banner Shoppe (not seen above) and delicious Buntlets and Buntinit's from Nothing Bundt Cakes!

2. I've been seriously enjoying being back in Arizona and getting to know the local scene again.  I swear we didn't have nearly as many awesome locally owned shops and restaurants when I left!  Or maybe we did and my time in California made me appreciate the sense of community that comes with buying local and supporting small businesses.  Well, since I enjoy "local love" so much, I decided to make it a new feature here on the blog. If you know of an awesome AZ restaurant or shop I should check out, let me know! You'll be able to find my AZ Local posts whenever you see this:

Anyway, that's just a little taste of what I have been up to!  Have an exceptional day!

Balance

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Balance.
It's something I have always struggled with. I try to be everything to everyone.  I juggle until there are so many balls in the air that the only thing to do throw them all really hard and hope I have enough time to sit down for minute.

I took some time this weekend to work on my balance.  Working a full time job, plus launching a company, plus catering to a person with Alzheimer, plus maintaining a social life, plus trying to stick to a fitness routine, plus breathing, is a lot to take on all at once. We all juggle a lot in this life. This weekend I needed a "me" break.

I didn't read my emails.  I didn't worry about the work piling up.  I didn't pack my days full of activities (even though I complained a time or two of boredom).

Instead, I:
I spent a whole day in bed.  Bed days are the best days!
I downloaded some new music and spent time mentally decorating my next apartment.
I worked out a plan for my week that made time for workouts and socializing.
I stayed at the gym for 90 minutes and wasn't worried about the time. I felt great afterwards.
I washed my car (that's twice in the last two weeks- Probably a personal record).
I read a book for leisure.
I cooked dinner for my family.
I enjoyed the sunshine.
I wrote this blog post.
I relaxed.

I did a little soul searching and realized that I need to work on being confident in who I am and what I do at the same time- usually it's one or the other.  I need to get organized because if life goes the way I hope it will, things are only going to get busier.  I think the key to all this is balance.  If I can work more balance into every day, maybe I won't feel like I need to shut down every now and then.  I think if I can learn to balance the "me" things with the rest of my life, the days won't seem so hurried.

The truth is, my life is pretty incredible right now.  I am blessed to be doing work I love. Blessed to be able to give back to my family in a time of need.  Blessed to have an incredible group of women to call friends and a family whose bonds are growing stronger, despite challenges.  I keep getting that little tingling feeling that tells me I am right where I am suppose to be doing exactly what I am suppose to be doing.

So on this Tuesday, I challenge you to be balanced.  Don't work your day away entirely for other people.  Take a little time to celebrate glorious you.  Go to the gym, read a book or take a bubble bath while being serenaded by your favorite singer.  Don't get so overwhelmed with all the incredible things you have going for you that you mistake blessings for burdens.

Cheers to you!  Happy Tuesday!

Shine On And A BIG Announcment

Last Friday, my friend Meagan and I had the pleasure of attending the Shine Headquarters open house here in Phoenix.  You guys know the super adorable Ashley from The Shine Project right?  

If you know The Shine Project, then  you probably know of (and if you're like me, own a lot of)  Threads. Threads is a cause driven business that changes the future of at risk youth.  By employing them, paying them fair wages and even providing scholarships these students are able to go to college.  Many of Threads employees are first generation college students with dream of becoming nurses, broadcasters, writers and engineers.  

We got to meet some of these students first hand.  I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me a little emotional... but then again, what doesn't.

After two years The Shine Project and Threads, grew into it's own space and what an adorable space it is!  The walls are filled with inspiring words, some written by the HQ's visitors and they even have a Polaroid wall that we now adorn!

Like I may have mentioned, I am totally obsessed with Threads, so walking in the door was like walking into accessory heaven.  My shopping euphoria was heightened when the staff offered to extend the chains in my new purchases to fit my extra large wrists!  Hooray!  

There were so many pretty things, it was hard to choose just one... so we didn't.  We ended up with quite a haul of gorgeous jewelry and even some super cute tee's!

It was a really fun way to spend a girls night, get new accesorries and support a business and cause we believe in!  If you are in the Phoenix Area, the Shine Headquarters are open to the public on Thursdays and Fridays, otherwise, check out all their goodies in the online Threads store.   Don't forget to follow Ashley on Instagram to see if she is headed to an event near you!

                             

Since Meagan and I are working to start our own company, it was so inspiring to meet and connect with Ashley and see all the great things she is doing first hand! 

Speaking of... I'm starting a weddings and event company, Your Jubilee!!  I'm so excited that excited doesn't even seem like a good enough word!  Our website isn't live yet, but you can follow us on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest and Twitter for updates and info!  We have some seriously awesome stuff coming down the pipeline that you won't want to miss!