Undefined

I found out a couple weeks ago that a married couple I have always looked up to is separating.

Something about this news really shook me to my core.  The core that believes in love, marriage and commitment.

I'm sure you are thinking, "Ashley, didn't your divorce do that?"  and the answer is not really.

My divorce made me questions my judgment.  It made me feel like a failure.  It made me wonder if I was lovable.  But did I question the idea of endless love?  Never.  (Don't worry, I know now I am lovable and deserving of love.  Coincidentally as of today I am officially three years divorced.  To that I say cheers to the chance at a new beginning.

So why now?  I think it has something to do with how this couple made marriage look easy.   My perception of their relationship was skewed because I only saw it from the outside.  News of their separation made me feel like my ideal was shattered.

Looking back, I remember some of my friends taking my divorce in the same way.  Somehow it was about them and I didn't understand why.  Now I am beginning to get it.

I got to thinking about love and what love means and thus, this weeks little series was born.  It was a short series, but one that I really enjoyed thinking about.  Mostly it made me think about how I want to define love from here on out.  It made me consider if I love myself enough to really love someone else under my new definition.

The answer I've come up with is that I am a work in progress.

Aren't we all?

It also recommitted me to what I set out to do when I moved to California 7 months ago.  Figure out who I am, what I want and how I want to live.  You see realizing this new definition of love has opened up my eyes to something bigger.  Definitions, like life and love are always changing.  I don't have to be defined by my past or my perceived future.  I don't have to love or be loved in the ways I have in the past.  I can make my own definition.

Its very empowering to realize that you can define your life and your love and most importantly that no single thing has to define you.

I'm going to keep my eye out for other messy love stories and share them with you.  Don't get me wrong, I love a good fairy tale   I have just come to realize that the stories that aren't wrapped as perfectly tend to be more magical.

How do you define love?