A Hair-y Situation

I know there are plenty of women out there that dig a good stache or melt over a bushy beard, but I have never been a girl that appreciated facial hair on men.  The boyfriend doesn't really care about my feelings on the subject. Mostly, I think he likes to use it against me a silent form of torture.  I know I shouldn't care, it's not my face, but it's the face that I have to look at.  This is my reasoning:

1. Both beards and mustache's serve as a place for you to store remnants of your last meal. If it's not cool to have food stuck in your teeth, it seems even less cool to have it displayed on your chin.
2. If not properly groomed, they can make even the most educated and classy of gentleman look like his smile might be short a few teeth. 
3. It's like pubic hair on your face.  Enough said.
4. They make you look old.
5. It's only fair.  I shave, wax and pluck my whole body.  I don't mind hair anywhere on a man, except his face.
6. My skin is sensitive and while the boyfriend is growing out his hair, my face is breakout city. 

Maybe some men just need an outlet.  As women, we get to wear makeup and style our hair with clips and pins.  We have a lot of ways to express ourselves before we get dressed.  Maybe facial hair is a mans version of makeup?  My smokey eye/nude lip is another man's handlebar stache.  Sometimes I feel like doing my makeup is like art.  I suppose some facial hair is artistic, like this one from The Hunger Games movie.

The boyfriend is currently "rocking" the Friendly Mutton Chops.  I told him he looks dumb, which he translates to awesome.  His chin is naked, while the rest of his face is clothed with hair. I will say, we went to the BBQ festival this weekend and he was tame in comparison to some of the facial masterpieces. This is one of those moments I wish I would have taken some creeper photos of the epic looks (and by epic, I mean absolutely ridiculous). 

Don't worry boyfriend, after this weekend you can choose one of these 33 styles to annoy me with. (If you go with The Mighty El Insecto, we might break-up.  Just kidding. Not really.)

 In the end, I have one rule in life that applies to all things, even facial hair.  Go big or go home.  If you can't commit to something like this, shave your face and I'll keep shaving my legs.